November 10, 2005

• Okay… why do I do this?  I like someone… maybe a lot… and I deny it.  Then I chase after him, if you will, and love it.  Lots of fun, right?  Then once he starts liking me, I freak out.  I try to get away.  After a while, I start to actually believe I don’t like him anymore.  Some, this is true.  But others.. the one(s) I liked a lot and denied it in the beginning… those are the ones whom I regret letting go.  WHY do I do it?  I have the perfect opportunity and I destroy it on purpose… only to regret it.  And I like the person!  Why won’t I allow myself to get close to anyone? I just… don’t get it.  Why the hell won’t I allow myself to completely fall for someone and have that person fall for me?  Why does that scare me so badly?  It’s always too late by the time I come to my senses.  I’ve felt this way for too long.  It just… won’t.. go away.  I’ve done it again.  Sigh.  I don’t know what to do.

  
  

  A mighty pain to love it is,
  And ‘t is a pain that pain to miss;
  But of all pains, the greatest pain
  It is to love, but love in vain.

  
  

  -Abraham Cowley

  • 8:58 pm
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