Is it just me or has everyone now in highschool just… completely lost their motivation to do any school work?  BLEH!  I have so much shit to do.  I mean it is comical.  But yet.  Here I sit.  I sit.  Sit sit sit.  Still sitting.  And typing.  Nonsense.  Bleh!  I am so sick of school.  I hated my classes this year!  I knew I would when I signed up for them… well, all but sociology.  And etymology wasn’t bad in the 1st nine weeks.  And of course orchestra/band.  Everything else… every little grueling day.. suck!  Suck my…  I had a dream I made out with Colin.  Hm.  I’ve noticed my dreams are becoming more… sexual?  No that’s not quite the word.  Nothing too sexual about kissing or anything.  Ricky and I had a lovely discussion about masturbation and orgasms that lasted two periods today.  …lol.  And we speak of it so candidly.  Tres odd.  Mmmm I don’t wanna study ap gov.  *tantrum*  Hmmmm… I wonder how many of these I actually know.  I should see.  Not like I’m set from when I “studied” for the ap gov test.  God I think I bombed that.  No!  No I must think postively.  Miiiind overrrr maaaatterrrr…  *uhmmmmm…… uuuuuuhmmmm…..*  Do you ever wonder if you’ll ever lose your mind?  I do.  ….  I am VERY odd.  Yes.  But if you think you’re crazy, you’re not right?  … Hm.

“Not-Even-Human” – Logy’s new baritone’s name…. at least I think that’s it.  Nimo’s better.  Course I kinda name everything Nimo… so not so original anymore.   

Well Iiii’ve had a blast this weekend thus far.   

Friday: Me, Brit, Greg, and Kelsey all went to Taco Bell.  All rode in Greg’s car.  Haha, oh man.  Even driving somewhere we crack ourselves up.  Haha, I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed nor contributed so many racist comments in my life lol.  Anyway, so we went to see Da Vinci Code.  The book was better.  Of course.  BUT it was a good try.  Then we walked around Jefferson Pointe… ran into some of our friends.  Spent a long time in Barnes and Noble, actually.  lol… it was interesting.  Then it was getting late (around 10pm) and we were trying to think of something to do.  …we came up with the idea of buying cards at Walmart and going back to Barnes&Noble to play card games lol.  Weeee.  BUT we decided against that and went to the playground instead…. which was being patrolled by a police officer, lol.  Eek.  So then we decided to go to Aboite’s playground.. but Greg and Kelsey chickend out at the last minute and we just went to Kelsey’s house instead.  We stayed out in the driveway in the dark… except for the faint light protruding from the front door light.  ‘Twas around 11:15ish by then.  We just talked for a long time.  Played the “Have I Ever” game lol.  I’m the only one who hasn’t had an entire drink of alcohol.  Tsk tsk…  They’re definitely not partyers though.  And they got me back with.. other stuff lol.  Aaaaanyway, so then my mom called around midnight and I asked to spend the night at Brit’s.  She said fine.  (yay!)  And so Greg drove me to Brit’s house and we left Kelsey at her house.  Then Brit and I watched “Wolf Creek”.. some TBS.. Brit and I totally plan on road-tripping before college.  …funny that the movie gave us the idea lol.  So after that, we went to bed.

Saturday:  Laziness!!!!

Today: Housework…ness…. -_-

“Hey Lady’s Man!  Yeah, how ’bout you give me one?  Lady’s Maaaan.” - some Mexican dude to Greg lol.  Greg a lady’s man?  hhehehe aww.   haha, that had us teasing him for the rest of the night.  That was a fun day. 

Hm.  So I think my future vehicles shall be… a mini cooper and a bmw touring bike.    just adds to about $50,000.  OOOH I watched this car show on Monday.  Oh man… the cars in the future!!  *drooling*  So anyway, I got new glasses today!  hehe.  I like ‘em.  So, I’ll be able to wear my contacts less often.  Although.. god the prescription is so strong.  Stronger than my contacts.  Hope it doesn’t give me a headache.  …yeeeah… Oh poop, I missed watching “Desperation” last night on ABC.  (Steven King)  I’ve been reading the book.  Aaand I didn’t want to see it before I finished reading.  So, hm.  Hope it’ll be on again sometime.  The book is awesome.  …mm yeah I’m gonna go read.  

I’m organizing a variety show!!  Hehe!  Brit and I were talking… saying how our years at Homestead are almost over.  We should do something fun for our senior year!    Tadaa.  Most everyone I’ve asked has agreed to do it thus far.  I’m thinking something soft rock… some sort of oldies or something.  I’m really leaning toward “Build me up Buttercup” by the Foundations.  Yes, ’tis corny, BUT it has the exact instruments we need.  See look:

trombone: Curfman
keyboard: Nathan and/or Nicole
drumset: Mitch
baritone: Tally
bass: Adam or Danny
guitar: Brennen or Adam
bongo drums: Stump
piano: Nathan
trumpets: Ann, Brennen, and/or Sam
sax: Alex, Andy, and/or Zach
tamborines: Me, Brit
lead singers: Cale, Danny, Me
backup singers: Brit, Adam, Nicole

Our only problem is… the guitar issue.  And singers.  The singers group we have now is… very.. VERY iffy.  Maybe it’ll sound better once we’re all together, but… yeah I really need some better singers.  I mean… me on lead?  lol… hmmmm…  I’m honestly not bad, but… not that good either lol.  Oh well we shall see.  Lots of time left.  Although… I want to be able to practice once in a while over summer.  I’m excited!!  hehe!!  We may end up doing a different song… Not completely sure on everything yet.

What’s Dixie?

I should be doing hoooooomewooooork.  Yes Iiiii should be doing hoooomewooork.  Oh hooomework!  Oh hoooooomework!!  Yes yes I should be doing hoooomewooooooork!!!  ….  If only you could hear me sing it. 

So anyway… GREY’S ANATOMY FINALE ON TONIGHT!!!  AAAHH!!  *psycho scream*    I’m so excited!  That I just can’t hide it!  WHOA!  I’m about to lose control an’ I think I like it!  *dancing*  … OOOH that’s what I should do.  I should listen to music and dance.  Yes yes!  …but I should actually try to motivate myself to work on my garganctuan load of hw.  Bleh. 

“The Sex Life of the Aztecs”  -  my prompt for Mandi’s note!…. lol.  Is it sad I already have an idea about that?… yes.. yes maybe I should keep that to myself…

I’m bored and sick of high school!  Bleh.  Another pointless weekend. 

Have you ever felt like you’re a 30 yr old trapped in a 17 yr old’s body?  Or something of the sort.  I just want things to happen now.  Mainly talking about the whole mushy love stuff.  Yes.  *sigh*  that.  You know, it’s funny.  I know I push guys… who are available away.  And guys whom are taken… I try for.  It’s as if I subconsciously set it up to make sure I don’t have anyone.  Or something.  I mean, not that I really mind right now.  I really don’t.  High school, pssh.  What a joke.  Maybe I’m… you know, okay.  I always imagine falling in love… unexpectedly.  But if I’m always expecting to fall in love, how could it be unexpected?  I want to fall in love.  But doesn’t everyone?  I want stability.  I want a serious… pee in front of each other… watching tv in pjs… eat breakfast after sex…. fighting over who’s turn to let the dog out… serious relationship.  That’s just my humorous spin on it, of course.  Bleh.  But not… now.  Because that’s completely ridiculous.  So that’s why I push guys away?  Hm.  I’m really not complaining.  I’m just trying to… figure things out.  And I suppose revealing my inner dialogue to the entire internet world helps me do that.  It’s like I want to fast forward my life to… 10 years from now.  See what’s going on.  I just hope it’s something good.  I only want marriage if it really is love.  Not some… silly lust deal.  Well, duh.  Of course; that’s what everyone wants.  … okay well, most.  I wonder how I’ll meet him.  College?  Work… maybe a patient of mine lol.  Or just…. chance meeting.  A friend of a friend.  Who knows.  God knows.  Hm.  So, if you could have the chance to find out when/if/where/etc. you’d meet your true love… and find out what happens… would you want to know?  I don’t think I would.  So what is my question.  My question… I’ve been sitting here 3 minutes and I don’t know what my question is.  Just those two words and a blinking cursor with …nothing.  I’m confused.  I’m frustrated… I’m curious and gloomy…  Maybe when you’re almost through with highschool, you start to think of these things.  Where’s my life taking me?  Will I be happy?  I want to be happy.  I’d like to think that I can control that.  I’m afraid I’ll push him away.  Someday… I’ll chance upon something good.  Something really good.  And I’ll push it away for… fear I’d be missing out on something better.  Or that it’s not part of my destiny.  What is my destiny?  Again, I wouldnt’ want to know anyway.  *sigh*  Useless rambling, really.  But I’m sure everyone thinks something like this sometime.  Just.. they don’t post it on xanga lol.  Oh hell, this is too long for anyone to actually read anyway.  Hi!  You’re not reading me!  I want to know what love is.  I guess.  But I don’t want to… know now.  I want to wait… so when it happens, nothing will ruin it.  I keep searching for it… but I really shouldn’t.  It’ll come to me.  I keep thinking that I’m pushing the guy who could be Mr. Right away.  That I keep taking the wrong path.  You know, there is no wrong path.  It’s… my path.  Whichever path I take is where I’d end up anyway.  I do believe in destiny…. I think.  Or… something like it.  I believe there is a supernatural force … a presence over our lives.  I just don’t know if it… controls our lives or not.  I think we control our lives.  But then that’s a contradiction, isn’t it?  Arg, why did I have to get into this philosophical stuff tonight.  I’m choosing what I want.  I’m choosing… where I’d like to end up.  I have an idea.  And that’s where… my path kinda… scews to.  It may waver or go off track a bit.. but never too far off.  As long as I know what I want… and I do… then I’m on the right track.  Yeah.  I’m on the right track.   

I think this might be my favorite quotation:

“Time is what prevents everything from happening at once.” – John Archibald Wheeler

Hm.  learnmoreindiana.org is a helpful site.

SO after actually speaking to a pilot and speaking to an instructor at the flight academy… looks like the outlook for pilots isn’t that… great.  forced to retire at 60… not much money after 9/11.  yeeeeep.  another idea shot down becuause it doesn’t pay anything.  WHAT PAYS MONEY?!?!  i mean honestly.  I want money!  but i don’t want to go into business.  …………. i don’t know lol.  everything i like seems like crap.  bleh.  well, i won’t give up with the pilot idea completely til i know more.  oh, i did find out that purdue DOES have a good aviation school.  I just… wasn’t looking in the right place or something.  but yes.  so far, i can go to either IU or Purdue for what I want.  And to Brit, doesn’t matter.  She shall go to whichever one i go to.    yay!  hehe.  but yeah.. we’ll both probably end up at Butler or something for the first couple years to get core classes done.  saves money.  and buys me more time to figure out what i want to do.  she’s pretty set on wildlife studies.  i mean… it sounds exciting… but i was looking up stuff about archaeologists.  pretty much.. the same kinda work.  gone traveling to ruins and studying crap, giving lectures, etc.  …in the US, there is virutally no jobs.  I’d have to live in.. Mexico.. or Egypt lol.  Which… is almost hard to turn down.  except the fact I kinda like the good ol’ usa.  i can’t imagine actually.. living in egypt or mexico.  …yeeeah… but yeah!  they pay mucho bucko for that stuff lol.  ooooh weeeell.  no thank you.  Brit will live in Africa.  …. yep! lol.  have fun with those immunizations.  *cringe*  I just… don’t think that’s a practical lifestyle for me.  sounds fun!  … but i’d rather just have a bunch of vacations there.  soooo…  I’ve marked off about… every… possible career i’ve been interested in doing.  I’m so confused.  And worried!  It’s on my mind all the time.  I don’t like not knowing what I’m going to do.  *sigh*…. I suppose I’m back to the idea of psychology.  Every career assesment I take … “therapist” or “psychologist” or something of the sort is always in the top 3 choices.  usually something to do with art is number one.  …..yeeeah.  well, the average pay in indiana is around 39,000.  That’s not… bad.  Just a lot of schooling for not much payoff in the end.  But I’d… like the job.  Correction, I’d love the job.  Just.. meh!  I want money!  So sick of not having money.  Course almost 40,000 for one person is… good right?  Hm.

“Creep!”

“Oh come on!  Give me one example of my being a creep.”

“Your whole life is an example.” 

Well, I’ve decided.  I believe lol.  This is the 100th time I’ve said that…. but… yeah.  I’m not too happy with my decision, BUT I’ll be happier in the long run.  Who can say after 10-15 years of their career… their salary quadruples?  lol.  So yeah.  FedEX and Delta are the best to get with.  Best paying sources.  Big cities are the best.  New York especially… but I think I’d rather live somewhere else.  $30,000-ish is enough to live on on my own.  I can have a small house…. decorate it to be modern.  AND when my 10-15 years are up… in other words.. I’ll be in my late 30′s… I’ll have mucho bucko!  Well over 100,000 a year.  WELL over.  I don’t want to go to Indiana State in Terra Haute, though.    I don’t know of ANYone going there.  I doubt I can talk Brit into it… *sigh*  At least it’s close to Bloomington. Like… what.. an hour?  Or something?  Yeah.  Once I ever get a car, it won’t be so bad.  Meet halfway… half hour drive.  Yeah.  I’ll be rooming with a stranger… Not know a soul.  And based on the gpa.. ACT/SAT stuff… seems like a really easy school to get into.. thus very stupid people there.  -_-  I’ll just go there for probably two/three years.  Then transfer to Embry-Riddle in Prescott, Arizona.  The money really isn’t that expensive.  So… I really should be okay in that respect.  I just worry about… if i ever want a family life.  Course, you know.  Pilots can have families.  Pssh.  Okay.  Well… going to the Career Center on Monday to gather more sources for statistics… then that’s that.  God I hope I can talk Brit into coming with me… bleh. 

OleanderDali: okay question.  would you leave everyone you know to go to a school for a career you …. are 80% sure you’ll be happy with?  like… be alllll alone.  bye bye best friend since 6th grade… bye everyone
vlnguy2006: yeah

okay… I think… I really am going to have to give up the idea of becoming a counselor of somesort.  I was researching a lot today.  From what I gather from reliable sources, the mean salary of a marriage/family therapist is 28-40,000 annually.  Any other type of counselor is around that, too.  That is not enough!!!  All that schooling for that????  So, I looked up the salary for psychiatrists.  Oh sure… they get mucho bucks.  150-190,000 annually.  Mmmhm.  BUT… med school?  Um… sure I’ll just spend my entire life in school.  And end up using all my money to pay off my loans.  Wee!  Don’t think so.  I’m so frustrated and kinda.. fearful.  I’m not sure what I want to do!  Well, that’s not true.  I’d love to be an astronaut, pilot, actress, fashion designer, psychologist… BUT… most of thsoe choices are unrealistic.. and the others don’t pay well.  …. all except one.  Pilot.  One of my dream careers… at first, yeah… payment sucks.  30,000 average.  BUT… as you have more experience, you move up in your career… with 10-15 yrs, you can bet on being captain and make around 100,000.  Plus, I mean…. I’d love the job.  AND!!!  I only have to have a bachelor degree!  ha!  haha!  But… you can get a graduate degree.  I most likely would… since I don’t have military experience.  Okay… until find more info on colleges in Indiana, this is the plan.  Bye IU.    *tear*…. yeah I’ll get over it.  PURDUE!  wee!  lol.  They have a small aviation program.  So… I can get my core classes done… get my bachelor’s of aviation at purdue… then transfer to Embry-Riddle.  I’ll have some fed. aid… a lot of loans.. but in the end, end up paying a hell of a lot less than I would trying to become a psychologist.  I might even be able to get away with just getting a bachelor’s.  ….kinda doubt it.  But yep!  And Embry-Riddle is the aviation school.  I mean… it literally is the top in the world.  WORLD!  not country.. WORLD!  lol.  For 6 years straight now.  About 20,000 per year for graduate programs.  Pretty sweet.  But, the fed. aid might suck.  Who knows.  By the time I already get my bachelor’s at purdue (or wherever), I’ll hopefully have money saved up for Embry.    I think I have a plan!  It’s pretty reasonable, too.  Oh, and Embry is in Prescott, Arizona.  I want to live in Arizona!  lol.  Works out.  ….there’s also a campus in daytona beach but eh… lol… i think that might be a wee bit expensive to live there.  I just wonder if Purdue is good with fed. aid.  Probably about equivalent to IU.  I don’t think they have any kind of.. “1st generation” program, though.  Hmmm…  they should be… similar to IU in campus stuff, though.. right?  And hey, not a ”party school”!    I had my heart set on IU, though.  And so many of my friends are going there.  …. :-T.  Well… I’ve got to think about my future.  

Okay… so, Purdue isn’t that great on the aviation program stuff.  It…might due for my 1st year.. maybe even two.  But it doesn’t… teach you how to fly lol.  Just… about it.  Indiana State University, however, teaches everything.  So expensive!!  Geez.  Hopefully lots of fed. aid.  Terre Haute.  Hm.  No idea what that’s like.  *sigh*  I need to talk to Quigley.  Why is it that Embry-Riddle’s undergrad programs are more expensive than their grad programs…..?