Month: February 2007

  • Color Personality Quiz

    Your Existing Situation
    Needs warm companionship, but is intolerant of anything short of special consideration from those close to her. If this is not forthcoming, is liable to shut herself away from them.

    Your Stress Sources
    Resilience and tenacity have become weakened. Feels overtaxed, worn out, and getting nowhere, but continues to stand her ground. She feels this adverse situation as an actual tangible pressure which is intolerable to her and from which she wants to escape, but she feels unable to make the necessary decision.

    Your Restrained Characteristics
    Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense. Able to achieve satisfaction through sexual activity but tends to hold aloof emotionally.
     
    Your Desired Objective
    Her need to feel more causative and to have a wider sphere of influence makes her restless and she is driven by her desires and hopes. May try to spread her activities over too wide a field.

    Your Actual Problem
    The tensions induced by trying to cope with conditions which are really beyond her capabilities, or reserves of strength, have led to considerable anxiety and a sense of personal (but unadmitted) inadequacy. She reacts by seeking outside confirmation of her ability and value in order to bolster her self-esteem. Anxiously searching for solutions and prone to compulsive inhibitions and compulsive desires. The fear that she may be prevented from achieving the things she wants leads her into a relentless search for satisfaction in the pursuit of illusory or meaningless activities.

    Well, the objective isn’t… really… what I want.  I just want love and success.    The rest though… ha.  Yeah.  It’s pretty vague… so I can understand how many people would say this is “creepy” because it’s so true.  But it is still pretty accurate.  I’ll give it that.

    “I’m 18!” - Lou to Emily lol

     

  • all hail lesbians!!!

    (you’re reading this just because of the title, aren’t you…)  I have a theory.  Lesbians became lesbians because they realized every male in the world is a JERK!    lol, okay… so why is it that guys seem to think cheating is okay?  I don’t quite grasp that idea.  …and then think it strange when you want to call it quits because you just found out he’s taken.  MMM yeah.  Okay.  … forget it!!! lol, i SO give up.  honestly.  I have worst fucking luck on the planet when it comes to males.  and lol… I don’t quite understand why, but i don’t care anymore.  All hail lesbians!!!  I understand you. 

    PS  No, I’m not a lesbian now. 

  • Oh bleh.  I realize that I turn away every guy.. except the ones I know I can’t get.. for whatever reason.  A seemingly kind guy will make the slightest flirtation and I just turn them off like some… disgusting creature trying to capture my attention.  Then a guy comes along whom I know will never be serious… nothing significant will ever come of it… buuut I fall for him anyway and end up hurt for the 30 thousandth time.  It doesn’t even have to be the guy who hurts me… I just eventually come to my senses and realize, “Hey… this isn’t going anywhere.  What the hell am I doing?”  again.  How am I ever going to meet a good guy if I keep turning them away?  I’m not even… remotely attracted to guys I could have.  I always want the ones who are unavailable for whatever reason.  Maybe he’s older.. much older… maybe he’s taken… maybe he is an attractive asshole… maybe he and my own personality just… don’t simply match up at all, even if he is a nice guy.  Maybe the relationship would have to remain a secret… and other reasons.  Maybe he’s none of those things, but something… just.. won’t work.  And I know it.  I don’t admit that to myself until I’ve already fallen for the guy… but inside I know it.  Then I realize I’ve done it to myself again.  Or I suppose I could be overreacting… I don’t know.  I wish I didn’t care.  Ugh.  At this rate, I’m going to be single forever.  I mean… I don’t really care about that so much.  I just wish I’d quit turning away guys who would work out and embracing dead-end relationships.  …if it even turns into an actual relationship to begin with.  -_-  *frustration*  Oh nice guy #1 asks me out on a date… but he’s an easy catch.  How boring, right?  Guy #2 won’t ask me out… he never will.  We’ll just keep it a secret for a while until it fizzles.  But what do I do?  Sorry guy #1… I’m already highly infatuated over guy #2 and I won’t give you a second thought.  …except when I analyze the situation in my online journal, haha.  Yeah… OH WELL!!  :D :D   Weeeee….     

    “…God….damnit.” – me..today… realizing I’m also a chicken on top of having a subconscious desire to destroy my love life.

     

  • HELLOOOO :)

    Okay, I haven’t written in a while!  I’ll post a public and a private.  Updates!! 

    Job:  I LOVE working at Applebee’s.  Jacob and I are even getting along better since he is off alcohol and switching to enormous amounts of coffee.  He’s.. humorous!  lol.  Adam and I have a little bit of uncomfy tension since he declined going out on a date at the last minute, but we still get along well.  He was worried about our working relationship, so that’s okay.  Danielle has moved to serving… Jacob will move to serving soon… Jessica P is moving to carside… so it’s just Emily (yay emily!!  teehee), Ashley (wee ashley!), Adam, and Anne.  Anne and I are kind of becoming friends, too.  We work together a lot and we’re a lot alike in our views of everyday life situations…  Sooo anyway, that means more hours and more money!  Yaay.  :)  

    Family:  My aunt and I write emails to each other.  The time between each keeps increasing, though.  Oh well.  My mom and I don’t get along very well.  My dad and I just keep in touch.  My grandma and I hardly ever see each other.  It’s not so bad.  Hm.

    Relationships:  Ooooh the new crush continues as long-time fires fizzle.

    School:  GET ME OUT!!  I’m SO sick of high school.  I want college.  I’ll admit I’m a little anxious about it, but I can’t wait!  :)   I think I’m back to the idea of majoring in psychology.  I think I should just stick to what I’ve always planned to do.  Maybe med psychiatry school won’t be as bad as I think…  I’ll probably double major in English/psychology until I’m sure.  Other than that, I went to the IPFW Tristate Honor Band thing.  Ooooh my God it was amazing.  I was part of the Wind Orchestra.  We played.. sooo well.  Our conductor was hilarious!  I loved it.  Francesca and I had fun hanging out, too.  :)   I’ll remember those days for a long time, I hope.  I’m supposed to be part of the Honor Band this year… but yeah.  I don’t think that’s going to happen.  That’s okay.

    Okay.. now the rest is private!  Bwahaha you can’t read it.  :)