Month: November 2005

  • Okay… why do I do this?  I like someone… maybe a lot… and I deny it.  Then I chase after him, if you will, and love it.  Lots of fun, right?  Then once he starts liking me, I freak out.  I try to get away.  After a while, I start to actually believe I don’t like him anymore.  Some, this is true.  But others.. the one(s) I liked a lot and denied it in the beginning… those are the ones whom I regret letting go.  WHY do I do it?  I have the perfect opportunity and I destroy it on purpose… only to regret it.  And I like the person!  Why won’t I allow myself to get close to anyone? I just… don’t get it.  Why the hell won’t I allow myself to completely fall for someone and have that person fall for me?  Why does that scare me so badly?  It’s always too late by the time I come to my senses.  I’ve felt this way for too long.  It just… won’t.. go away.  I’ve done it again.  Sigh.  I don’t know what to do.


    A mighty pain to love it is,
    And ‘t is a pain that pain to miss;
    But of all pains, the greatest pain
    It is to love, but love in vain.


    -Abraham Cowley

  • School was school.  Pep band has begun.. duh duh DUH.  -_-  Oooh well, at least I’ll get to chat with Ricky boy some.  Hm… yes today has been pretty uneventful.  Mm.  …mhm.


    Quote of the day:  (I crack myself up sometimes…  )


    osamabingolfin18: im a figment of your imagination
    BelovedBeauty88: I’ve got to quit reading stephen king novels then….


    Oh, and a little feedback.. if you read someone’s xanga everyday, wouldn’t it make more sense just to subscribe?  mm… yeeess… yes it would.

  • Weeeell hang it down.  Today gots been some blah day. Slap mah fro!  Yeah Holmes.  Very blah. Lop some boogie.  Hm. WORD!  Spent about 2 hrs last night lookin’ fo’ scholarships.  Whut… a. WORD!..wuzte… of… time… ah’ found nodin’! Right on! … NOTHING! Right on!  Okay well dat’s not entirely true.  ah’ found one fo’ junio’s in high farm… ya’ gots’ta snatch dis test t’see how much ya’ know about tourism. WORD!.. deeeen. ‘S coo’, bro… ya’ use da damn scholarship bre’d fo’ whuteva’ ya’ wants’.  … right. Man!  Cause ah’ know some lot about tourism. WORD!  …  And dere is tons and tons fo’ Cherokee Indians… oh but no. ‘S coo’, bro.  ah’ duzn’t gots some honky card.  ah’ need one.  ah’ emailed da damn Cherokee Tribe C.D.I.B. Registrashun Office of N.I.A. and I’m still waitin’ fo’ some reply. Slap mah fro!.. real, I… duzn’t know how, so cut me some slack, Jack… I’m supposed t’prove ah’ have Indian blood… ah’ assume mah’ grandma gots de sheets ah’ need.  Oh whutever. Ah be baaad…  It’ll probably snatch years.  ah’ duzn’t know why mah’ mom neva’ registered.  Hm. WORD!  Oh anyhoo, ah’ suppose… I’ll… … go find sump’n t’do. ‘S coo’, bro.  mm. WORD!  mhm. WORD!  ah’ need mo’e ‘sitement in mah’ life.  A passionate Tom Cruise-look-alikes lova’ would be supa fine…  lol….ooocoo’.


    Found dis on Maria’s Xanga. WORD!.. ah’ likes it, dig dis: 


     


    (oookay lol… my actual entry is below.  JUST so you don’t think I’ve lost my mind and babbling on in jive for no reason.  Hehe!  go here: http://rinkworks.com/dialect/)

  • Weeeell hello.  Today has been a blah day.  Yes.  Very blah.  Hm.  Spent about 2 hrs last night looking for scholarships.  What… a…waste… of… time… I found nothing! … NOTHING!  Okay well that’s not entirely true.  I found one for juniors in high school… you have to take this test to see how much you know about tourism… theeeen… you use the scholarship money for whatever you want.  … right.  Cause I know a lot about tourism.  …  And there are tons and tons for Cherokee Indians… oh but no.  I don’t have a white card.  I need one.  I emailed the Cherokee Tribe C.D.I.B. Registration Office of N.I.A. and I’m still waiting for a reply… really, I… don’t know how… I’m supposed to prove I have Indian blood… I assume my grandma has the papers I need.  Oh whatever.  It’ll probably take years.  I don’t know why my mom never registered.  Hm.  Oh anyhoo, I suppose… I’ll… … go find something to do.  mm.  mhm.  I need more excitement in my life.  A passionate Tom Cruise-look-alike lover would be nice…  lol….ooookay.


    Found this on Maria’s Xanga… I like it: 


     


    OH, by the way… I hear my uncle is out of prison.  My mom heard from my grandma who heard from a friend of my grandpa’s… or something.  SO it might not be that reliable.  I’d like to see him.. wonder where he is… you know, it’s sad.  The dude is so messed up.  Mostly because nobody has ever given a shit about him.  Not his dad… his mom… his brothers… sister-in-laws… nope.  Nobody.  Kicked him out when he was 18… never had anything to do with him since.  Just because they didn’t want another kid.  Nice, eh?  So of course he got hanging out with the wrong crowd.. ended up doing drugs… drug dealing.. armed robbery… prison for 10 years!  Then he gets out… family really hates him now.  He doesn’t have any money… so what’s he do?  Drug deals again.  Only thing he has ever known.  And his brother turns him in.  Another 10 years!  Although he got some time off… not sure how much.  And so now he is supposedly out… and doing who knows what.  Just hope he doesn’t drug deal again.  I’ve only met him once… he’s an artist… ’tis what he does to keep occupied.  He eh.. used himself as his canvas!  And he has tons and tons of paintings.  Actually really good.  I gave him one of my drawings once… long… long ago.  Shame.  He was a nice guy when I met him… I liked him.    Just messed up.  I feel sorry for him… although it’s his own fault I guess.  Hmm.. hehe, I’ll post a picture of him!  Voila:



    Uncle Farron


    Okay I’m still bored… so I’ll post this quiz thingy!





























































    Openness to Experience/Intellect
             High scorers tend to be original, creative, curious, complex; Low scorers tend to be conventional, down to earth, narrow interests, uncreative.
             You enjoy having novel experiences and seeing things in new ways. (Your percentile: 95)
     
    Conscientiousness
             High scorers tend to be reliable, well-organized, self-disciplined, careful; Low scorers tend to be disorganized, undependable, negligent.
             You tend to do things somewhat haphazardly. (Your percentile: 25)
     
    Extraversion
             High scorers tend to be sociable, friendly, fun loving, talkative; Low scorers tend to be introverted, reserved, inhibited, quiet.
             You are relatively social and enjoy the company of others.  (Your percentile: 74)
     
    Agreeableness
             High scorers tend to be good natured, sympathetic, forgiving, courteous; Low scorers tend to be critical, rude, harsh, callous.
             You tend to consider the feelings of others. (Your percentile: 74)
     
    Neuroticism
             High scorers tend to be nervous, high-strung, insecure, worrying; Low scorers tend to be calm, relaxed, secure, hardy.
            

    You probably remain calm, even in tense situations.  (Your percentile: 11)


     

  • =========> Go here if you haven’t already:  (see how well you know me) 


    http://www.quizyourfriends.com/yourquiz.php?quizname=051103183821-848243


    I think it’s quite amusing that so many believe I’m part Paki…


    Hehe I love this new Bon Jovi cd… “Have a Nice Day”.  hehe oh yes.  Well let’s see.. skipped school yesterday.. went today.  ‘Twas a nothing day.  Actually talked to Joey for quite a while last night.  Haven’t talked to him in such a long time… lol, he’s fun to talk to.  Aaaand… yeah I have nothing to do this weekend.  0_0 shock!  Yeah… I’ll probably do something with Brit… which reminds me, I gots to call her back… I had a dream last night.. that will scar me forever.  A brown hair/brown eyed astronaut in a latin video of a sex rite with a blood-deprived penis.  Yes.  …it was purple.  … ANYway if any of you, lol, wish to know more about this lovely… dream…. just lemme know..!  Yeah… K so I’m going to eh.. dance to music.  Or practice.  Or call Brit.  Or something.  By the way, I love my class ring!!!  hehe. 


    “Remember that you’re perfect; God makes no mistakes.” – Bon Jovi’s “Welcome to Wherever You Are” … good song.

  • Hahahahahaha… oh man.  Attention attention!!!  Y’all gots to go to www.google.com (aren’t I nice; typed it out so you just have to click) and type in “failure” and click I’m Feeling Lucky.  Haha that’s so awesome…


    “I must be one of the luckiest of man on this earth — I love, and I am loved.” – anonymous


    “A life without hope and dreams is a life not fully lived.”  – ‘Katherine Chancellor’ on “The Young and the Restless”

  • *does a little dance*… *makes a little love*… *GETS DOWN TONIGHT!*  whoo!!!!  Get down tonight!  That’s right.  I’m making love to my flute.  *kisses it!*  Hehehe I just did my first full run of my issma piece!!!    By no means does it sound all that good… lol.  But still.  I stumbled over some things and replayed some things but overall, I got through it.  Not too shabby, either… HEHEHE!  lol.  I’m really happy.  Now to just… greatly perfect this lol.  Hehe.  My tone sounds really f-ing good during my practice tonight.  Like no effort at all to keep it sounding prettiful over every note.  Even skipping octaves to the high B… hmm.  Probably because our house has a lot of humidity.  I always seem to do better when it’s raining out… has been raining… in other words: sticky, icky, wet air.  Oh anyway, I have a project due tomorrow in sociology!  …yay!  Sure glad I’ve started on it and everything.  ….Glad I have magazines to cut out ads!!!  ….mm…mhm.  I’m hoping I can find plenty of ads online once I disable my pop-up blocker.    For once, pop-ups are good for something.  WELL I’m going to go get a shower now… hehe… hehehehe I wanna play some more first…


    “Next agent to be exposed by Bush’s administration.” – the nametag on Mr. Schmidt’s halloween costume as an… agent.    Heheha I think it’s funny.  YAY REPUBLICANS!…. um no.