August 19, 2005

  • Hi....


    I just eh.. woke up.  Um... really... really bad nightmare.  Yeah...  A bit traumatized.  Can't sleep.. correction:  will not go back to sleep.  So... yeah...


    I was in band practice.  Normal practice.  Then Barber/Wadkins say how we can't be late coming back.  I turn to Brit all confused, "come back for what?"  Apparently, I somehow completely missed that we were going to.... was it California?... for the weekend.  Leaving Friday... Coming back Monday night.  And I had to hurry and go to home and pack some things and take a shower and change clothes.  I remember thinking I was going to miss Evan's party on Saturday and I didn't know if I'd ever see him again.......  So I got to the car... saw Brit and Josh (graduated last year)  going to the plane.. which was... in Homestead parking lot.  .... We got a whole lot richer!  Yeah funny ha ha.  ...  (at least I can still crack jokes...)  So.. got in the car.  It was a convertible.  The dream seemed so lifelike.  I mean okay weekend trip on a plane that was in the parking lot is far-fetched, but you know what I mean.  Everything looked like it should look.. people acted like they should act... Homestead was just really rich.  So you know.. I thought it was life.  Sometimes I think while I'm dreaming it that it's a dream.  Not.... this at all.  Anyway... so yeah got in the car.  She started driving somewhat quickly... sped up some cause I was in a hurry.  I had my blue homestead bag in my lap like I did all during band camp when she picked me up... normal, right?  Well.. going down Homestead road headed toward the 4-way with Liberty Mills.. which... was a 3-way in my dream.  You know how in real life, you can keep going straight, right?  Well, that was cut off..  A giant hill.  Had the railing there to attempt to stop cars.  It was such a steep grassy hill.... must've almost been as deep as the grand canyon... anyway.... She didn't turn.  It was as if we thought the road was there or something, like it really is.  I don't know.  But the car went over the railing... either over or through I couldn't tell.... although I didn't feel a jerk, so over it somehow I'm guessing... My feet were latched under the front of the car... know what I mean?  Just, where your feet go in the car... and I was holding onto it so I wouldn't fall out of the convertible.  Somehow I held on.  And I was holding onto my bag ha... I heard my mom saying, "That was the bank?!  That was the bank?!?!!"  Twice... maybe three times.  I saw the car plummeting to the ground... faster... the ground coming toward us... everything just coming together to an inevitible end... but it took a few seconds... or was it instants, I don't know.  I just barely glanced at my mom kind of out of the corner of my eye saying, "That was the bank?!" and looked back at the ground coming closer faster and faster... then just closed my eyes.  I was frightened... terrified... but I tried to calm myself.  I said, "I love you, God" and... "Take care of Logy for me"  which doesn't make much sense to me other than the fact I was trying to console him last night over his not being able to talk to Lori since she's... grounded or something?  A mystery.  But anyway... I opened my eyes again after that... I felt... calm.  I guess.  After I opened them again.  I watched us coming to the ground.  My mom was silent... either that or I just... didn't hear anything... everything felt silent... except this.. odd.. high-pitched, yet somewhat quiet whistling noise.. like what a tea kettle sounds like when it's ready.  And the pressure... so much pressure... the closer we got, the more pressure I felt.  It was insane how much pressure I felt... as we were about to hit... the whistling noise getting louder and the pressure getting harder and the car moving faster... I closed my eyes again... and thought to myself.... just calmly stated in my mind... "I'm going to die."  And then I heard the crash.  Not a very loud one.  More like a simple "boom" and everything went black gradually, but very very quickly.  And while I was coming back into consciousness... I thought "I'm dead... oh my god I'm dead.  I'm dead." as I slowly woke up.  More frantic than I was before, but... still pretty damn calm for the situation.  Then I opened my eyes... and as I did so, I just joyously thought, "I'm alive!!!!  I'm alive!"  ...and then after I realized what it was there was all that, "it was a dream.  it was a dream...  oh my god.... oh my god!.."  yeeah... I lied there for a long time.  Kinda stunned.  I mean I've had a dream or two before that I died.  Once when I was little, I was stabbed in the heart by an all-blue lady in my bathroom.  And... I can't remember the other one.  But none so... lifelike.  So detailed.  I woke up sweating and my heart hasn't beaten that fast in my entire life.  It really... really terrified me.  It was just a dream, yeah yeah, I'll be fine... and.. I am.  I'm just... well.  Not many things really get to me.  ...yeah.... well.  After the shock went away, I wanted my Butthead.    Probably seems silly...  Yeah.. wow.. anyway... I figured I ought to document that.  What better way than a xanga??  Yeah... k... I'm just going to... eeh... sit here... maybe listen to music... or see what's on tv... ... yeah.  I just realized I'm starving.  ... guess I'll go eat something... or sit here.  That works...


    "I'm going to die." - me

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